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从前有个女士，非常喜欢吃烤豆子。但不幸的是，烤豆子总是引起一些强烈的反应，实在令人尴尬。 后来有一天,她遇上一个男子，陷入了爱河。快要结婚的时候，她想："他是这么温柔，这么绅士，决不会容忍我这种行为的。”因此她做出了最大的牺牲，不再吃烤豆子。 结婚几个月后，在下班回家的路上，她的车坏了。他们住在乡下，她就给丈夫打电话说她要晚一点回家，因为她不得不走着回去。她经过一家餐馆时，里面传出的烤豆子的昧道实在太香了，她再也经不起诱惑。因为还有几英里的路要赶，她认为在到家之前，不良反应就会完全消失了。于是，她就走进了餐馆。不知不觉，她已经吃掉了三大份烤豆子。一路上她不停地“扑扑”放屁。到家的时候,她觉得自己完全能够控制住了。丈夫看到她回来似乎非常激动，高兴地说：“亲爱的，今天的晚餐有个惊喜。"然后就蒙上了她的眼睛，把她领到餐桌旁的椅子前。她坐在椅子上，丈夫刚想把眼罩给她拿下来，电话响了。他让妻子保证在他回来之前不摘眼罩，就去接电话了。她吃了那么多烤豆子，到现在还有反应，而且体内的压力几乎难以忍受。因此，趁着丈夫不在，她就抓住机会，把身体的重心移到一条腿上，放了一个屁。这个屁不仅声音很大，而且非常难闻，就像是运肥料的车在纸浆厂前轧到了一只臭鼬。她拿起餐巾使劲地扇着四周的空气。然后她把屁股偏向了另一边又使劲地放了三个，这令她想起了煮白菜的味道。接下来的十分钟，她一边倾听着另一个房间里丈夫的谈话，一边重复着上述动作。丈夫对着电话说了再见，这标志着她自由空间的结束。她又用纸巾在空中扇了几下，然后把纸巾放在膝上，双手交叠放在上面，满意地微笑着。丈夫回到房间，因为耽误了这么久而向她道歉，而她却是一脸无辜的样子。丈夫问她有没有偷看，她保证说没有。丈夫一下子拿开了她的眼罩，她的确吃了一惊！12个客人坐在餐桌旁，准备祝她"生日快乐”'! Baked Beans Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, “He is so sweet and gentlemanly, he would never go for this carrying on.” So she made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans. Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling，I have a surprise for dinner tonight. ’’ He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned. Apologizing for taking so long，he asked her if she peeked，and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a “ Happy Birthday”！ |
